Beyond Friends Episode Ninety "A Touch Of Brilliance"

Friends Guest

Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe
David Schwimmer as Ross

Special Guests
Bruce Willis as Wesley

"Explain It To Me"

Phoebe held down little Jamie as she pinned a diaper on him.
"Course you know disposable is the best!" Phoebe said. "You gotta know that if you want to be a total earth mother like me." She smiled at Rachel. "Rach? Are there? I think you pinned two diapers on poor Jamie."
"Oh I did?" she looked down at the baby. She had been so distracted she pinned a diaper on the head and the bottom of her. She pulled the diaper off. Jamie laughed and played with it. "How long do you keep these kids in diapers anyway?"
"Until they learn to flush. At least thats what my mom said. The one in Pawtuk." She noted.
"Oh," Rachel said.
"You do have something on your mind dont you?" Phoebe said as they placed the kids in the crib.
"I'm worried." Rachel said. "Since I quit the job from hell I've run out of ideas." She said. "I heard you got fired from the candle place you worked at. How did that happen?"
"Well some priests think I made some candles that looked rather, uh unholy. I said they were wrong, it was just the angle they looked at them. They didn't agree with me and I got fired."
"Welcome to the club." Rachel sighed. "So what are you gonna do?"
"I don't know." Phoebe said. "I been thinking about soemthing in the past. A long time ago we had a great idea. I thought that since you and me are relatively unoccupied, that I'd get it started again."
"Whats that?" Rachel asked.
"The Relaxi taxi!" She said. "Oh sorry, it was relaxi cab." She blushed.
Rachel thought for a minute.
They had been in over in the new apartment. Monica and Rachel had lost theirs to Chandler and Joey in a bet. Chandler and Joey had somehow gotten free porn on the tv. they somehow got OD'd with it and came to visit when Rachel and Phoebe revealed the idea. At that time it was to use the catering van Monica wasnt using to drive around town and give people massages.
"You want to revive relaxi cab? How?" Rachel asked.
"I still have my license, all you have to do is learn to drive a cab. Get the license and everything. Or maybe not an actual cab, but a car big enough to give massages. A limo!"
"What? A limo?" Rachel asked.
"Yeah, just take the seats out and replace it with something to massage on." Phoebe said. "But where would we get a limo?"
"I think I know who would know. Chandler." Rachel said.
"He doesnt have a limo!" Pheobe laughed.
"He works in a weird office building, there has to be a limo department." Rachel reasoned reaching for the phone. "He oughta be at lunch." She grabbed Phoebes Zodiac phone. "How do you dial?"
"Oh, use the wall one, that ones just a gift." Phoebe pointed.
"Thanks." She hit his cell phone number.

Chandler was eating chilli dogs with Wesley near the front of his office. "This is great." Chandler said. He lifted the dog up to his mouth and a large amount of chilli fell to the ground.
"Don't worry about it, we have a great janitor staff here." He snapped his fingers. "You know they never thought of a chilli stain removal thingy until I came aboard? Thats one improvement around here." He said gulping his soda. Chandlers phone rang. "Thats me."
"You gonna finish that?" Wesley asked. Chandler gave him his second chilli dog. "Much obliged." He said swallowing the behemoth with one gulp.
"Hello?" Chandler said into the phone.
"Hey!" Rachel said.
"No personal calls, Bing." Wesley said in a bossy tone. He went into his office. Chandler headed for the door.
"Whats up?" He asked.
"I need a limo." She said.
"Didn't you go to your prom?" Chandler asked.
"Ha ha." Rachel said. Phoebe smiled."Do you know where you can get one to buy?"
"Buy?" Chandler said. "Stevie in electronics has a brother that is selling one cheap."
"Really?" Rachel said.
"Sure, I will give you his number, but I'm sure you can strike a deal of some kind."
"I love you!" She said and hung up after writing the number down.
"Yeah, I know." He said closing his phone.

After a few minutes Rachel and Phoebe contacted the man with the limo in question. They agreed to meet him outside of Phoebes place.
"I have 500$ from the job. Do you think that will be enough?" She asked.
"I don't know." Phoebe said. "He sounded like he needed the money."
"True." She said as the limo pulled up. The driver got out.
"You Rachel and Phoebe?" Stevie said.
"Yes." Rachel said. "What are you willing to take on this limo?"
"Right now I'm hoping for a BO." He said. Pheobe looked at him strangely. "Best offer."
"My offer is 500." Rachel said. "Cash."
"Sold!" Stevie said. "I'll walk back to the office. It's only 23 blocks but I need the exercise." He said walking off into one direction.
Rachel and Phoebe looked at each other. He had forgotten the money, he wasnt coming back for it either.
"Wow, bonus." Phoebe said.
"Yeah." Rachel said. "The keys are in the car. Let's take it for a spin."
"Cool. I know a place where we can get some stuff to decorate this thing with. And some nice smelling stuff."
"Great." Rachel said. "Who's driving."
"Me." Phoebe said flashing her a license. "I have one." "You ARE a jack of all trades!" Rachel said.
"You dont have to call me names!" Phoebe said.
"It means you know a little bit about everything." Rachel explained.
"Oh, ok!" Phoebe said and they got into the limo.


Rachel got home and saw Ross sitting on the couch. He saw her and got up.
"You were at that playdate an awful long time." He said.
"I know, I'm sorry." Rachel said. "Pheobe and I are going into business!"
"Yeah?" He asked happily.
"The relaxi limo." She said. "I will get a limo license and she will sit in the back doing massages."
"Great!" He said. "Where are you gonna get a limo?"
"Chandler helped us." She replied.
"Oh?" He asked.
"Yeah, he knew someone." Rachel explained. "All we have to do is like unimportant details." She said. "You were waiting for me?"
Ross smiled at Rachel. Then he took on a look of total seriousness.
"As happy as I am about you and Pheebs, theres something I gotta know." He said. "Sit down."
"No I prefer to stand." She said.
"When you went to the doctors weeks ago, I thought of something. For some reason you seemed less upset that you werent pregnant. Or maybe it was who you could have been pregnant by."
"What do you mean?" Rachel asked sitting down.Ross paced the room for a second, perhaps looking for the right words to say. He turned to her again.
"Rachel, I want the god honest truth, did you and Chandler make love in that barn?"
Rachel looked at Ross and closed her eyes.