Rachel walked into Phoebes place with Ben at her side.
"Hey!" Phoebe said.
"Hi!" Rachel smiled. Ben waved at Phoebe.
"I'm glad you're here, I'm here." Phoebe said. "I'm sorta haveing a small catastrophy here."
"What?" Rachel said leaving Ben by the door. B
"Come here, and see." Phoebe said looking kinda sad.
Rachel came over to the table where Jenny and Jamie was sitting. They were eating hamburgers.
"Whats wrong?" She asked, not seeing the problem.
"The problem! The problem is what they are eating!" She said taking the burger out of Jennys hand. She replied with a little wail. "Joey took the girls to McDonalds. McDonalds! And he knows how I hate meat. I taught the girls to be vegans! And now its totally out the window."
She wailed a wail the same pitch as her daughter.
"Wait a second." Rachel took the burger from Phoebe. She ripped off a uneaten portion and chewed. She spat it out in a napkin.
"Oh my god!" Rachel said. "This isnt a burger."
"What do you mean?"
"This is a insult to any hamburger. It isnt even meat." Rachel said. "Taste it."
Pheobe didn't budge.
"This is a carotene burger. Made of carrots and tofu and other healthy stuff. This isnt ground beef at all."
"Really?" Phoebe took another uneaten portion and chewed it. "Oh yeah." She blushed. "My mistake."
"So Joeys did right by your wishes." Rachel assured him. "Lets go. Ross wanted me to get closer to his son. We can have our play date in the park."
"Sure." Phoebe said. "We're gonna go to Mcdonalds first." She smiled. "I love this stuff."
"You won't be hurt if I get the genuine article?" Rachel asked.
"Oh no." Phoebe said. "You'll just go to hell thats all." Rachel looked at Phoebe deeply hurt. "I'm sorry. That was so mean of me."
"Yeah!"
"I'm still in my mean phase." She said. "I'm fine now."
Rachel arched an uncertain eyebrow her way. "Okay."
Chandlers place
"Go! Go!" They chanted as they stood up and watched the tv screen. They looked at each other and sat down.
"Ok, we're going wild for a chess match." Chandler said.
"Move your rook!" Stacy yelled.
Chandler looked at Stacy.
"I think you just proved my point." Chandler wrapped his arm around her.
"Come on, move the bishop! He can go in for the kill!" Stacy said.
"We need something to do." He grabbed her hand. "Come on."
"No!" She said reluctantly being pulled by Chandler. "He can beat it this time! Death to the computer! Boo big blue!!" She said trying to hide her laughter.
Chandler grabbed her from around the waist and carried her out the door.
The park
Rachel looked at the small pile of "burgers" that Phoebe had. Once she heard about the non-meat burgers at McDonalds, she bought enough for two nights. Fortunately they let her have 5 for a dollar. They were so unpopular, they were glad to let her have them. Phoebe was in total bliss.
"Happy now?" Rachel asked.
"I must get the recipe." She mused.
"I don't think they'll give it to you." Rachel said. "Though they did give you several pounds of it anything is possible."
"True." Phoebe said. "Or I can get Monica to eat it and tell me whats in it."
"Or better yet, she can attempt to just make it, she is a chef you know." Rachel said.
"I know. I was going for a taste thing." She said. "So whats up with you?"
"Pretty good." Rachel said.
"So, Joey tells me you too arent really married." Phoebe said giving Jamie another chunk of burger. "Whens the second wedding? Or third wedding I mean."
"Oh rub it in!" Rachel said. "We havent talked about it."
"Is there a reason why you havent discussed it?"
"Ross has been really busy."
"Oh yeah, everyone knows that summer is the busy Dino season." Phoebe said. "Is there something I should know."
Rachel thought for a moment.
"No." Rachel responded. "If you think its Chandler, you're wrong."
"Are you sure?" Phoebe asked.
"Sure, I'm sure." Rachel said. "Hes got a new girlfriend. This Stacy." She looked at Ben. "Lets go play catch."
"Okay." Ben said. "But Auntie Rachel, can you stop throwing them over my head?"
"Sure honey." She responded. She left Phoebe at the table.
A walkway
"You realize of course, that all bets are off." Chandler said.
"What makes you say that?" Stacy asked.
"When we left, the computer was winning. And it did." He explained. "Once we stopped watching the match, all bets were off." He took her hand. "Too bad, you owned me five bucks."
"Yeah." Stacy said. "Chandler I have something to tell you."
"I thought you told me everything."
"Apparently not, I have this nagging thing." Stacy said. "I hve to tell you before we go any further in this relationship. In fact it is your reaction to this...thing will determine the future of our relationship." She said.
"You sound serious." Chandler said.
"I am, and I am rarely serious as you very well know." Stacy said. "We got to talk." She sat down. "Please sit."
"Ok." Chandler said. "What is it?"
Stacy paused.
"You're not pregnant are you?" He asked.
"Oh no." Stacy said. "No, no. Everythings fine." She looked around. "Its something else."
"Okay." Chandler said.
"You know how in soap opera something in the past will come up in a happy relationship and ruin it?" Stacy said.
"What is it?" Chandler smiled. "Come on, whatever it is you can tell me."
"Okay." Stacy said. She paused dramatically. "I was sick a couple of years ago. A very odd ailment. They only way to cure it, it seemed at the time, was to change me."
"Change?"
"Yes. It was very experimental at the time. A better cure has since been found for this unnamed disease. I dont even know what to call it. I regret having it done, but at the time I thought I would die." Stacy said. "I was once a lot different."
"How different?"
"We knew each other before." Stacy said. "Why did you think I came to you at the party?"
He shook his head.
"Chandler, I dont know how to say it but to say it. I was once a man." She said. "Does the name Eddie ring a bell?"
He thought for a second. "He was my roomate but he was nuts." He leapt back. "OH MY GOD!!!!!!"
"The insanity was the warning signs of the illness. The only way that was known that could cure was to make me female. I had a sex change. Remarkably the disease vanished."
Chandler leapt up. "I gotta go." He left her on the bench.
"Oh okay. Should I see you later roomie?" Stacy asked.
"Take all the time you need!" He said breaking into a sprint.
Halfway back to his house he ran into Rachel. She was going for a short walk after leaving Ben at Carols house.
"Hey, where are you going hot stuff?" Rachel asked.
"Oh my god. You will not believe what just happened to me."
"Try me." Rachel said.
"Stacy....was once...a man!!!" He said.
"What?" Rachel said.
"She said she had a disease. Had to change to a female." He said huffing and puffing. "As a man, she was Eddie, my ex roomate."
"Oh my god!" She said.
"I know!" He said calming down. "Now that I think about it, maybe he did it to get revenge on kicking him out years ago."
"What are you gonna do?" She asked.
"What can I do? She lives there, we're sure as hell not gonna sleep together anymore." Chandler said. "I don't know. What do you think?"
"I think you gotta break it gently to her, then even more gently find her a new place to live." Rachel said.
"You're right." Chandler said. "I'm gonna go home and take a lye bath. Several in fact. Is a store open? I shall have to invest in several SOS pads."
"That bad?" Rachel said.
"You have no idea." He turned. "I'd ask you about your day, but somehow..."
"...nothing I would say would compare. I understand." Rachel turned. "Night."
"Night." Chandler said.
They both went their seperate ways. Chandler turned and watched her as she went.
"I have no girlfriend, will my longing for Rachel return?" He asked to no one. He turned and walked home.
