Beyond Friends Episode Thirty Eight "Fly To The Angels"

Guest Stars

Courteney Cox as Monica
Cameron Diaz as Naomi
David Schwimmer as Ross

"Ballad Of Jayne"

Chandler sat down and had breakfast with Monica and Rachel. He didnt even pause for breath as he scooped down his frosted flakes. Monica and Rachel watched silently as he gobbled it all down in less than five minutes.
Chandler looked up. He wiped a little milk dribble from his chin. He finally noticed he had an audience.
"What?" He asked.
"Where are you off to in such a hurry, speedy guy?" Rachel asked.
"I want to go see Naomi." Chandler replied after chugging a glass full of Sunny D Monica managed to hand him before he ripped her hand off.
"Do you even know where she lives?" Monica asked. She nodded after Chandler said nothing.

Chandler had admitted the first time he met the mysterious and dreamy and "oh god so perfect" Naomi that he knew not a thing about her.
"She knows a lot about art, and paintings and things you do with clay." Chandler said.
"Oh come on Chandler, the only thing you know about art is what you learned from that issue of Playboy where Farrah Faucett used her body as a paint brush." Monica said.
"Thats not me, that was Joey. Whole damn magazine was smudged up, I never got to read the actual article." Chandler pointed out. "I may not know art, but I know what I like. And I like her!"
"Shes right." Rachel pointed out. "In the naked city, there could be 15 or 20 Naomi Bakers."
"You're right, but what was with the tv referance?" Chandler asked. Before she got a chance to answer Chandler got up and left the two of them in his wake. Monica and Rachel sat there for a minute after he left.
"So." Monica said slowly. "What are you doing today?" She looked at Rachel.
Rachel shrugged. "Don't you have a restaurant to rebuild?" She asked after coming to her senses.
"City wide workman strike." Monica sighed.
"Oh." Monica thought. "Don't you work at a perverted strip club cafe place?" She asked Rachel.
"There was a raid last night." Rachel sighed. "We all got a day off today."
"Oh." Monica said.
They rested their heads to the table and sighed.


Chandler realized the minute he stepped out on to the sidewalk that he had no idea on how to find Naomi. He looked around for a minute hoping for inspiration. Then he shrugged and took off in the direction of the corner store. Thinking hard was giving him a powerful thirst.

Rachel thought for a second.
"I got it!" She cried out. She ran into the bathroom. Monica had shortly retreated there after they couldnt thing of a single thing to do. She stopped short when she ran into Monicas rear end.
"I'm not doing anything!" A startled Monica cried. She was wearing plastic gloves and holding a sponge.
"You're scrubbing my floor!" Rachel said looking around. Monica stood up, trying to make it look like she wasn't caugh cleaning someone elses bathroom.
"No I'm not." Monica said shedding her gloves. "What is your idea?" Monica said with sudden renewed energy.
"We should find this mysterious Naomi Baker for Chandler." Rachel offered as they emerged from the bathroom.
"I don't know. Meddling in his love life like this." Monica said.
"Youve done it before. It would be totally unexpected of us, like that time Ross stood up for Carol and Susans lesbian relationship at their first and last PTA meeting?" Rachel pointed out.
"True." Monica said. "And Susan has been very nice to Ross ever since he did that for her." Monica sighed."All right." She relented. "We have nothing better to do."
"Not unless you want to watch Chandlers lady nude mud wrestling collection." Rachel pointed out a carefully indexed stack of VHS tapes next to the big screen tv.
"Wheres the phone book?" Monica asked. Rachel picked up two and slammed them on the table.

Chandler had gotten his cold Zima from the store and thought for a minute. He had met Naomi at the night gallery so what natural place to find her than at the museum. He took off in a bee line to the natural history section where he hoped to find his savior.
Ross was brushing off some brontosaurus bone when he arrived.
"Hey Chan.." Ross said looking up. "Twice in two weeks. I'm starting to feel special..."
"Yeah, Dinos, fascinating. Dead." Chandler said in a hurried breath. "I was here for the night gallery."
"Yeppers." Ross said. "Hand me that ice pick like tool."
Chandler obliged. "Do you remember seeing a heart-achingly beautiful woman?" He asked.
"I dunno." He said. "That type of woman doesnt usually stroll past my department." Ross admitted. "Why?"
"I need to find her, but I only know her name, and theres 15 people with the same kind of name in the city. Can you help me or not?" Chandler said pleading with his eyes.
"I can't, pal, I'm sorry." Ross said.
"Great." Chandler said. "Uh, enjoy the dead things, let me know when they move."
"Believe me, you won't be the first to know if they moved." Ross cracked when Chandler was out of sight.

"Ok, I'm sorry." Rachel said putting the phone down.
"There are 15 Naomi Bakers and they are either teenaged or married or too old." Rachel explained as Monica crossed out another name on the list.
"I just wonder how we can find her? Does she have an unlisted number?" Monica asked.
"I tried to call the phone company on an unlisted number once. They would not give it to me." Rachel said. "I'm beginning to think that Naomi doesnt even exist."
"Rachel?" Monica said as something caught her eye.
"Its like she fell off the edge of the earth." Rachel said sitting in back of Monica.
"Oh boy, you don't know how right you are about that." Monica said picking up a newspaper.
"What?" Rachel asked.
"Look." Monica said pointing out a section of the paper. Rachel read it and her eyes nearly popped out of her head.
"Oh my god." Rachel said. "This is his Naomi."

Chandler opened the door to find Monica and Rachel on the couch facing him. They had a newspaper article in hand.
"I could not find Naomi with the life of me. Your brother wasnt much of a help either." Chandler said taking his coat off. "What?" He asked the two girls when they said nothing.
"Chandler, we have something to show you." Monica said coming over. Rachel soon followed behind.
"What?" Chandler said and took the article. "First anniversary of Night Gallery killings is tonight" He read the headline. He glanced down the article and gasped. His mouth went dry, as if someone had packed it with shipping cotton. "Naomi Baker..." He proceeded to read. "...daughter of multimillionarie merchant Vino Baker was among the slain in the gallery when this yet unsolved murder occured. Among the victims, noted art critics Julian and Lordeau Jacques and a night guardsman." Chandler dropped the newspaper article on the ground. "This has got to be a a a joke. A sick joke." Chandler stammered.
"No, its real." Rachel said. "I remember this being in the paper a year ago, a year ago tonight."
"It can't be." Chandler said still in shock. "I touched her, I smelled her perfume. She was real."
"Chandler, you might have thought she was real..." Monica said trying to be consoling. "Chandler." Rachel said.
"I got to see this for myself." Chandler said. He grabbed the paper again. "There was a memorial service for Naomi today." Chandler said. "There almost has to be..." He read a line or two. "Shes at the Pine Grove Cementary. Thats not far from here. I can walk there." Chandler said grabbing his coat.
"Chandler dont go." Rachel said. "It's starting to rain outside.
"I'll take an umbrella." Chandler grabbed an umbrella and went out the door.
"How come all the cool stuff happens to him?" Monica asked.
"Huh?" Rachel asked closing the door.
"I never got to meet a dead person." Monica moaned and looked at the bathroom floor. "I think I missed a spot."
"Don't you even think about it." Rachel said.

Chandler got to the cementary in record time.
"How funny, me actually wanting to go to a cementary." Chandler told himself as he walked in. He looked around and finally found what he had hoped he would not have found.
Naomis gravestone. He suddenly knew he would have saved time if the newspaper printed the most recent picture of Naomi in it. He sighed and looked at the stone. She was 30 when she had died. Not much younger than he was but it somehow struck a cord.
"Hi Chandler." He heard a soft voice behind him.
"Hey." Chandler turned to see Naomi behind him. She was wearing a white dress. He moved to place his hand on her cheek but it passed through her like she wasnt even there.
"I guess you found out." Naomi said.
"I did. Through some caring friends." Chandler said. "My hand passed through you, why?"
"Well I can touch you when I want to." Naomi said. "I loved meeting you Chandler."
"I loved meeting you too." Chandler said. Naomi turned for a second. "Where are you going?"
"I gotta go for the night." Naomi said.
"Why?" Chandler asked. "I wanted to talk to you."
"But I have to, its the rules." Naomi said. "This is so weird. I had to die in order to meet the most wonderful man alive. Weird but wonderful." Naomi said as she smiled at Chandler.
"Wait a minute." Chandler said trying to reach out to her.
"Yes?" Naomi asked.
"Don't I get a last request?" He asked.
"Isn't that my line?" Naomi said coyly.
"I want to kiss you goodbye." Chandler said. "But I know I won't get that kiss if you don't want me to touch you."
"I'll let you touch me. If I were alive, I'd let you do a lot more." Naomi said coming close to him.
Naomi stood on her toes and Chandler leaned over to her and they kissed. It was like touching pure energy with your lips. He was afraid to break it off, feeling like it was too soon but afraid that it was at the same time too long. Naomi pulled away first and he opened his eyes and looked.
She was gone.
Chandler looked around. He had dropped his umbrella when he had seen her and now he was soaking wet.
"Naomi?" He asked out loud.
No response.
"Naomi?" He repeated.
He stood there in the rain, repeating her name over and over again until he realized she was gone.
Perhaps forever.
"We would have been great together." Chandler said softly as he picked up his muddy umbrella and left. He took once last look, then walked toward home.