Rodney Dangerfield as "Harem Sam" Whiton
Bruce Willis as Wesley
"Jealous Again"
The next day
Chandler and Wesley chatted around the water cooler as usual.
"So how was the date?" Wesley asked arching an eyebrow in Chandlers direction. Chandler instantly knew what he meant, he's used that trademark leer before himself.
"I'd rather not talk about it." He said honestly.
"That bad huh? Well don't worry, theres a girl out there somewhere for you whos not headed for upper middle management." Wesley said as he drank his water. "Here she comes now. How she treats you know is testiment to how she treats you from now on."
"Wes, don't make a big deal out of it." Chandler said turning to see Linda. She had a business like poker face on. She looked at him. He looked back and tried not to smile as to let his feelings show.
And then it happened.
With one fell swoop Lindas left hand swept out and gave Chandler a hearty pat on the butt. Chandler slightly stiffened as she did so. Wesley saw this whole engagement wide eyed.
"Wow." Wesley said smiling. "I guess youre not fired. But why did you stiffen like that? It was like she stuck a needle in your butt."
"Once upon a time, before you joined us, my boss did the same thing." Chandler explained while crumpling his cup.
"What was she like?" Wesley asked half expecting it to be one of Chandlers other conquests.
"She was a he." Chandler said.
"Oh." Wesley said his mouth making a small "o".
"That reminds me I got to call Rachel." Chandler said breaking into a sprint to his office.
Home Turf
Rachel and Monica were sitting in the kitchen with a bunch of open newspapers.
"Thanks for coming over. I really need to find a new job." Rachel said to Monica as she grabbed her red highlighter pen.
"You're welcome! What are friends for? But why do you want a job, Chandler makes enough money to pay for this place by himself." Monica asked.
"I don't want to feel like I'm mooching off of him. Besides, I need to get out of this house during the day. I'm more caught up on the afternoon soaps than any normal being has any right to." Rachel said returning to her paper. "What am I gonna get anyway? I've only been a waitress and a Bloomingdales exec."
"Rachel I'd hate to say this but you are better as a waitress now than you ever were at Central Perk." Monica said turning a page. "It seems like you were meant to wait hand and foot on total strangers."
"You really think so?" Rachel asked."Wow, I don't know whether to laugh or cry."
"Heres a place." Monica said happily."Harem Sams."
"Let me see." Rachel said taking the paper. "It sounds like a family restaurant with a Aladdin theme."
"Will you please come with me?" Rachel asked as she got her coat. "Nothing like having a referance on hand."
"Ok. We need a break anyway." Monica said joining her at the door. The phone rang. "Should I get that?"
"Nah, Chandlers been dying to try out his special message tape. Let the machine get it."
Chandler tapped on the desk as he waited for Rachel to answer the phone. Then the answering machine kicked off.
"Hi this is Chandler, and Rachel! We're not here right now, or otherwise we would have answered right? Please leave a message, or we wont know you cared enough to call us. After the beep."
*BEEP*
"Rachel? I guess you're not here. I'll call back later." Chandler said feeling a but lameo leaving a message on his own machine. "Where did she go this time of day?"
Downtown
Rachel and Monica road the subway to the street the newspaper ad indicated.
"Here we are. Harem Sams." Monica looked up. "Rachel?"
"What?" Rachel looked up. "Oh my god, this is a strip joint."
"What family were you thinking of?" Monica looked at her.
"Well let's go in." Rachel said. "After all, it don't look like the waitresses have to go topless."
"That'd be something new." Monica said.
"Monica I need a job, I don't care if I have to whack people off for the mob!"
"That's ok. As long as you would promise not to whack me for any reason."
"I'm looking for Harem Sam. It's about the waitress position."
The man turned around. "Hey I'm Harem Sam. But most people call me Sam. Sometimes they call me dogface but thats another story." Sam looked at Monica. "It's not you is it? You're a little stringy."
"No, I'm applying for the job."
"Ok then." Sam looked Rachel over. "You've got the job doll face. You start tomorrow. But I should ask, you do have waitress experience right?"
"Yeah, four years."
"Thats always a plus." Sam looked over Rachel again. "Heres an outfit in your size. Be here by ten tomorrow morning. Thats when they really start coming in."
"Thanks." Rachel said on way out with box with the outfit in it.
As Rachel reached the outside she opened the box. The official outfit consisted of a sparkly bra and a short skirt.
"Wow, if I didn't know any better, I would say that came from your own closet." Monica said.
"Monica, can you do me a favor?"
"What?"
"Don't tell Chandler I work here." Rachel said. "I'd rather not have him find out I had to stoop this low for a buck."
"Okay. I promise." Monica said hugging her. "Let's go back to your place. I'll make you some brownies." Rachel smiled and they found their way to the subway station.
Chandler had decided to go home for lunch. He was there finishing his tuna sandwich when Rachel and Monica showed up.
"Hey, I tried to call you." Chandler said wiping off his chin. "Where were you?"
"We went for a walk." Rachel said looking at Monica. "Right Monica?"
"Right." Monica responded remembering her promise from earlier.
"Well, I been trying to call you. Linda is coming over for dinner tonight." Chandler said disposing of his trash.
"Oh?" Rachel said. "This is your new girl right?"
"Yah." Chandler said. "Will you be here tonight?"
"I have no plans. Ross is out of town."
"Great." Chandler said. "I gotta go if I want to beat the lunch traffic."
"Bye." Rachel and Monica said.
As soon as Chandler left Rachel turned to Monica.
"Monica, I want to ask another favor of you."
"What?"
"Will you PLEASE come to the dinner tonight?"
"Why?"
"Well." Rachel said to Monica. "I would appreciate if you helped me at dinner. I'm a little nervous about meeting Chandlers new girl."
"Cause you still love him right?" Monica asked.
"What?"
"Do not play coy with me, I know you two dated, I also heard Chandlers confession that night."
"Oh my god." Rachel covered her mouth. "But I'm only with Ross now."
"I know. And I won't tell Ross anything ok?"
"Thank you."
"Your welcome. When I come over tonight I'll bring an excuse."
"Okay."
That night
Rachel and Chandler awaited Lindas arrival.
"This should be fun." Chandler said. "Should we have wine?"
"Wine?" Rachel took the bottle and popped the cork. "Don't mind if I do." and took a healthy swig off of it.
"Ok."
There was a knock at the door.
"I'll get it." Chandler said.
"No let me." Rachel said beating him to the door. She opened the door. It was Monica. "Monica! What a pleasant and totally unexpected surprise."
"Hi guys." Monica said with a huge book in hand.
"Mon, what are you doing here, you know the dinner was tonight." Chandler said looking at the book. "Can I ask you what that is?"
"Swatches."
"What?"
"Swatches. Wallpaper and carpet samples. I needed Rachels opinion. It's for the restaurant." Monica said laying the book on the couch.
"You can stay for a while Monica." Chandler said turning around. "But then you have to skeedaddle."
"Why couldnt she stay for dinner?" Rachel asked him.
"She can stay, hell I'd love it if she would stay but I don't want Linda to feel shes facing a firing squad on our first dinner date." Chandler said getting an extra plate.
"Ah."
"Mon, some advice?" Chandler said to her over her shoulder.
"What?"
"Don't pick anything that looks like anything you plan to serve to your customers."
"Will do. No paisley." Monica made a small note.
There was another knock on the door. The dinner was almost ready. Chandler looked at Rachel.
"Did you invite Ross or Joey or Phoebe and her kids?"
"No." Rachel said.
"I'm just looking for fair warning." He explained on his way to the door.
"We're fine."
"Great." Chandler said opening the door. "Hi Linda." "Hi Chandler." Linda said kissing Chandler on the cheek. Rachel looked at Monica with a pained expression."This is Rachel my roomate and her best friend Monica." Chandler said to Linda.
Linda shook Rachels hand. "Hi."
"Hi." Rachel said.
"You seem like a really nice person." Linda said. "I hope we can get along all right."
"Me too." Rachel said as Chndler seated Linda. "Me too."
