Beyond Friends Episode Sixteen "I need a date."
Special Guests
Courteney Cox as Monica Geller
Adam Sandler as Steven


"Set me up on a date"

Monica, Chandler and Rachel were eating lunch at a deli across the street from the restaurant. Monica was eating a reuben when she decided she wanted something much more full filling.
"I need a date." She said out loud. Rachel and Chandler looked at her. "Well I do."
"Hell we all want dates." Chandler responded. "You are talking about the mating ritual between a woman and a man right?"
Rachel chuckled.
"Yeah." Monica said. "And if I recall right you owe me something."
"I don't have any money on me Monica." Chandler said looking in his wallet. "You can have this old out of date condom if you want."
"No." Monica said. "Remember when we watched the knicks game a year or so ago you said they would lose by ten points? And also you said that if you lost the bet you would do anything I wanted you to do?"
"Vaguely. Didn't we go for a drink at Irish Gardens right afterward?"
"Well drunk or no you still made a promise." Monica said eating the last of the steak fries. "Amazingly I've never needed anything till now."
"He did offer to do your laundry in the nude once." Rachel said. "Of course he said that while he was drunk."
Chandler blushed.
"So Chandler, as much as I fear of what you will come up for me, I want you to set me up with a date with someone from your office." Monica said putting a makeshift doiley under her paper cup.
"Okay." Chandler said. "Done and done. Rachel remember the last time we set each other up on a date?"
"Yeah!" Rachel said. "They married each other."
"Oh." Chandler said. "Well no ones track record is perfect."
"What do you do nowadays anyway Chandler?" Monica said as she got ready to pay the check.
"Remember when I was boss of the wenus?" Chandler asked. Monica and Rachel nodded. "Well I'm boss of the guy of the guy whos the boss of the wenus. Let me know if that makes sense." When he got no answer he rephrased it alittle. "I'm an executive now."
"Oh!" Monica and Rachel said together.


Monday
Executive washroom

So far Chandlers search for a date for Monica had gone bust. Most people on his level were married or married but having an affair with their secretary. He was the only one not doing that, cause number one his secretary was a guy and second he wasnt his type even if he was gay. Chandler was washing up om the executives washroom when his secretary came in with a phone message.
"Mr Bing." The secretary said catching Chandlers full attention.
"Call me Chandler, Steve." Chandler said taking the message.
"Okay." Steve said scuffing his feet. "I was wondering if I could go on home since everything you gave me to do is done."
"Wow, great." Chandler said. "You can go on home."
"Thank you sir." Steve said and turned to leave.
As Steve advanced on the door, Chandler thought of an idea.
"Steve are you seeing anyone right now?"
Steve turned. "Uh you know how the big boss frowns on employees having relations with each other."
"No, no, NO." Chandler said smiling. "I have a gal friend of mine and I think you and her would get along together great."
"You think so? She would got out with someone like me?"
"Sure, she would." Chandler said.
"Okay." Steve said.
"So would you like to meet us at Sase' tonight around 7?" Chandler said as he left the bathroom with Steve.
"Sure." Steve said. "Thank you."
"No problem Steve." Chandler said as he locked the door to the bathroom. "No problem at all."

Later on

Rachel and Chandler were washing the dishes that night after dinner.
Chandler was up to his elbows in soapy suds when the doorbell rang. He wiped off his hand and pressed the intercom button.
"Hello." He said loudly over Rachel singing in the background.
"It's me. Monica." Monica said outside the front door.
"I don't know anyone named It's me Monica." Chandler said slipping a sly look in Rachels direction.
"Let me in already!" Monica said growing impatient.
"Okay." Chandler hit the button. "Monicas coming over? We already ate dinner and I'm not sure cold chilli con carne is what she wants."
"I guess she wants to know the status of operation of Operation get monica a date." Rachel said rinsing the last dish.
"You gave this thing a name?"
"Well yeah!" Rachel nodded. "Forgive us, its was a slow day."
"Ah." Chandler said as Monica came in the door.
"Do you have a date for me Mr. Matchmaker?" Monica said as she sat down.
"Sure he does." Rachel said before leaning into Chandler. "You do dont you?"
"Yeah." Chandler said. "I set you up with my excecutive secretary."
"Wow. I get to go out with your boot lackey!" Monica said almost laughing. "Come on, who did you really set me up with?"
Chandler didnt respond looking right at her. Monica squirmed alittle. "Oh." She sat up. "Well its not like its and thing."
"Anyhow you date is tomorrow night." Chandler said putting away the now dry dishes.
"I got a problem. I gotta have you two come with me." Monica said.
"What?" Both Chandler and Rachel said together.
"I don't want to be alone with a strange guy."
"Thats never stopped you before." Rachel noted.
"Thats true." Monica said. "But could you two please come with me. I'll do anything."
"Anything?" Chandler said as Rachel was about to speak. "Beat ya to it."
"Anything!"
"Okay." Rachel said. "The next time youre here you have to cook one of your most complicated dishes for us to eat."
"Okay sure." Monica said getting up. "I'll come over here right before the date."
"It's at seven so be here at six-thirty." Chandler said as Monica left.
"All right. I'll see you then." Monica said as the door closed.
"That went well." Chandler said turning to Rachel. Rachel smiled.

"D-Day" Day of the date

Chandler was getting dressed for the double date with Monica when Rachel knocked on the door. He was getting his tie on when he heard her call out.
"Are you decent?" Rachel said hanging outside his bedroom door.
"Thats a matter of opinion." He responded. "But if you want to know if I'm reasonabley dressed you can come on in."
Rachel came in with a smile on her face.
"Wow. You look great." Chandler said looking her over. Rachel was wearing one of her many little black dresses she had managed to cram into the cracker box she referred to as a walk in closet.
"Thanks." Rachel said as she looked him over. "You're not so bad yourself. I just feel so bad for Ross. He had those theater tickets for months and had to turn them in for a refund."
"Oh, he didn't refund them." Chandler said walking out the door. Rachel followed him.
"What do you mean?" Rachel asked. "Ross took Phoebe to the theater." Chandler said smiling. "Joey is babysitting or at least I think he was. No matter."
"Wow, thats great, I think." Rachel said. "Monica ought to be here any moment now."
The doorbell sounded.
"That'll be her now." Chandler said buzzing her in. Monica must have run up the stairs cause she was there ten seconds later.
"I'm sorry I'm late!" Monica apologized.
"You're not late, actually you are early." Rachel said hugging her. "This is gonna be fun."
"Are we ready? The gangs all here." Chandler said getting his coat.
"Sure. This guy is meeting us at the restaurant right?" Monica said checking her hair and makeup.
"Yeah." Chandler said.
"Then we're off." Rachel said leading Monica out the door. Chandler locked the door and followed close behind.

The restaurant

Steven met them at the front door.
"Monica this is Steven." Chandler introduced them.
"Why hello Monica." Steven said. Chandler looked at him for a second. He had seemingly changed attitude since he talked to him at the office the other day. Chandler decided to ignore it, for the moment anyway.
"Hello Steven." Monica shook his hand.
"You know whats neat about restaurants?" Steven said as they were being seated.
"What?" Monica asked.
"No matter where you go, you know you'll be eating road kill." Steven said. "Me myself I like liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti." He made some very sick slurping noises with his tongue.
Monica looked at Chandler who was sitting straight up. Rachel was no less shocked.
"Ah," Chandler said. "Steven why don't you tell Monica about what you like?"
"Ah! I know what you're saying." Steven said putting his arm around Monica. "You know Monica, I've always was considering cannabalism."
"Really." Monica observed giving Chandler "the eye".
"Oh yeah." Steven said. "I've always loved red meat so why not go that extra step and get it all?"
"Uh huh."
"And you know how you get it?" Steven seized Monicas arm. "You go like this." Steven pretended to gnaw on Monicas arm. This scared Monica to death and she popped up almost conking Steven on the head.
"Chandler and Rachel I need to talk to you." Monica said heading toward the bathroom. She stopped when she got arond the corner and waited for other two to show up.
"This is a great guy Chandler, did you fix up on a date before or after he was released from the asylum?" Monica said punching him.
"Ow!" Chandler said rubbing his arm. "This guy is always quiet at work I don't know what his problem is.
The gang looked around the corner. Steven was playing "Alien" with the pork roast, shoving it through his open shirt and making vicious growling sounds.
"Okay, hes not entirely normal." Chandler admitted. "I'm very sorry but how was I to know? Was I supposed to give him a pysch test and do some blood work on him."
"Well it doesnt matter now." Rachel finally said. "What matters now is how do we get out of here."
"I don't want to seem like we're skipping out on the check." Chandler said.
"Well we're not. He grabbed the pork roast from the neighboring table." Rachel said taking his hand.
Rachel, Monica and Chandler went around the corner and got their coats. Steven wasnt paying an overwhelming amount of attention to what was happening. He was on the table in his underwear singing LA Woman. As the group finally reached the car Monica took a long sigh of relief.
"That was an experience." Rachel observed.
"Chandler." Monica said as she recovered.
"Yes?" Chandler said getting in the car.
"Do you want your eggs benedict sunny side up?" Monica said getting in the car herself. "Oh and Chandler?"
"Yeah?"
"Never set me up on a date with anyone from your office ever again." Monica said.
"Done and done."